Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
