Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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