All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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