PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
