I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
