i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
