Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
