i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
