How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
two words...techno handjob
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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