my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
