just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
