I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
