Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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