there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
