She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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