I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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