It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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