Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
