you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
