i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
