Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
