I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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