Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
