Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
