i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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