the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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