why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
