These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
