I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
