Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
