The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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