But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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