heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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