Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
