So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
