Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
