no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
