I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
