even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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