i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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