and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
