you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
