with your own penis?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
