a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
well most of my day revolves around power hour
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Come on in and take your pants off
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
