fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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