I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
