All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
