____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
