tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
