I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
