He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
