just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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