so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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