sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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