That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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