is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
