If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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