My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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