Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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