if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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