ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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