I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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